Smooth Criminal 

Ever been called a ‘Smoothie’? An informal definition would pit it as a ‘man with a smooth suave manner’. Used in a sentence would construct accordingly- ‘A smoothie with an eye for a pretty girl.’ As for Miss YSL earlier- that’s the resonation she left me with. Whilst I thought it was the wine talking, apparently I jotted the wrong digits. That definitely was some great wine.

Early to bed, early to rise makes Jack healthy, wealthy and wise. Well, good for Jack given the fact that he aint living in Goa during the festive season. A season where parties are never ending, alcohol ever flowing and food fit enough to feed Kim Jong-un’s personal army. Who is Kim Jong-un? That’s an entire story for Google altogether- a rather interesting one at that.

The after effects of a singleton read ‘moi’, attending a party to the point of departure is as perilous as the savvy Jack Sparrow sailing the Bermuda triangle, though he does it with more panache and style and probably lives to tell the tale. 

A ‘5 point something ‘ checklist runs through my head every time I have to fight the urge of a social soiree. The folks are kind and inviting and more often than not, I fall in the mix of common company through my parents gracing the occasion given the circles we know. So I have to be on my best ‘seen’ behavior- i.e. when they have me in their line of sight.

What is the 5-point rigmarole?

Point 1- I stick to wine when I have to indulge. After all it’s fermented fruit juice and is supposedly great to keep the calories in check. Also studies show a glass a day actually does wonders to your heart and cardiovascular system. Stick to juice you say? Unless it’s fresh, its pointless. Tetra-paks and canned juices are a BIG folly.

Point 2- Lay off the friend starters and hunt for peanuts and or baked chips etc.

Point 3- Have a slice of cheese before every drinking session. Not only does it line ones stomach and counteracts the effects of being tipsy rather it partly fills you to consume less at the lunch/dinner.

Point 4– Quarter plates and one serving! This has helped me immensely in being social without hurting anyone’s feelings as well as keeping the food count to a minimum. Sushi sized servings in a quarter plate, works.

Point 5- Don’t find affable company to go off the reservation. Hence the ‘something’, mentioned earlier. Now, if you do find that ‘someone’ to sin with, this is what happens the morning post.

Aunty Dolores is currently a houseguest for the holiday season. A second mum to me during my formative years (like that ever fructified- no pun intended) she is one of the last remains of the Golden Age of Hippies in and around Goa. Yoga, Vegan, Natural soaps and the works has her like a child of Mother nature living in the next bedroom beside me. 

Talking to her, one could feel pure and reborn. Have her make one a breakfast and you could feel healthy on the spur of the moment. But in an age of ‘time’ being ones enemy and all that jazz this is what she whips up. 

Collard Greens Smoothie With Mango and Lime- This remedy is perfect when it comes to getting you over that ‘hangover’ from the night prior. Being in Goa this is perfect given the abundance of mangoes we have around. It works wonders and can be done in a matter of minutes. 

Basically its Frozen mango and green grapes with spinach. A refreshing power smoothie, and that in a matter of minutes. What goes into this? 2 tablespoons of fresh lime juice, 2 cups of stemmed and chopped spinach, 1.5 cups of frozen mango (yes I freeze mango pulp from my trees outside, so I can enjoy it for the entire year round and one cup of grapes. Combine the limejuice, ½ cup water, the collard greens, mango, and grapes in a blender and puree until smooth for about a minute. A way better option than watching Arnold Schwarzenegger in ‘End of Days’ combining a ‘throw it all in’ smoothie with alcohol and a stale slice of pizza- though I’m sure that’s something one could look into for a ‘boys gone wild Netflix and chill bachelor party’. 

Back to the smoothie- Someone ask Annie if she’s ok? She’s been hit by, a smooth criminal.

Mr.NObody is your average bachelor blogger, critic, and food aficionado struggling to walk the fine line between healthy eating and carnal gastronomic delights.

Follow him on @nolansatwit